


I Don't Think We're On Gunsmoke Anymore

by TheBadgerCongregation



Category: Trigun
Genre: Earth, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1786441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBadgerCongregation/pseuds/TheBadgerCongregation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being chased out of town by bounty hunters, Vash is separated from Meryl and Milly, and they soon find themselves very, very lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Aileen was a bank teller in the small town of Mayville, where she'd lived her entire life. She knew just about everyone. But this man who'd just walked through the doors of the bank completely surpassed the strangeness of any other customer. He topped the list of odd people, beating Mrs. Minny, the widow who wore nothing but purple and always had a bag of caramel in her purse, and Mr. Caper, the high school science teacher who wore a different tie every day and never left home without an umbrella, even during the dry spells.

But this man was a whole new level of weird.

The attire was what caught her eye. He wore a heavy red trench coat with a three inch collar and lots of buttons and straps and buckles. Overall, it looked like something to be wearing during the winter months- or at Comic-Con- not in the middle of July. It bunched up at the shoulders and was also missing the entire left sleeve.

The man's left arm was covered in some sort of dark grey, almost black glove thing that went up to his shoulder and had maybe six buckles on it. On his other hand was a dark grey glove that only covered two fingers.

The man was very tall, and all of it was topped off by a shock of blond hair that stood straight up. He looked to be in his early 20s.

When he first stepped into the bank, all activity stopped, and everyone turned to stare. After a few awkward moments, he closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, laughing nervously. Everyone turned around eventually. Aileen couldn't really blame them for staring, though.

The blond seated himself in a green chair by the door, seeing as there was a long line to the counter. Then he seemed to pull a box out of nowhere, and… began to eat a donut.

The last person in line, who she noticed was Mr. Jacobs, turned to look at him incredulously. He paused and offered the box to him. "Want one?"

Mr. Jacobs shook his head. The blond shrugged and ate another one.

Soon, the line moved up enough for him to get in, and as he did, another man came through the doors. He wore coveralls, and seemed to be a maintenance employee. His name tag read 'Jones'. There were two lines, and the blond get in Aileen's, and Jones got in the other. About halfway through, the blond paused, and offered the box of donuts to Jones. He was again declined, and soon put away the box.

Finally, the blond reached the counter, and Aileen smiled cheerfully. He returned the smile and said, "Could you-"

He was interrupted by Jones putting a gun into the air. Somebody in the back of the bank screamed, and he yelled, "Everybody on the ground! Now!"

Aileen froze, then hit the silent alarm. Everyone in the bank hit the floor.

Except for the blond. He grinned hugely at Jones, who pointed the gun in his direction. "I said on the ground!"

"No, I'm fine. Also, have you noticed that the floor in here is really dirty? I mean, nasty. Is that… Is that melted caramel?"

Jones looked extremely confused. "Do you want to get shot?"

The blond just shook his head. "You won't shoot me." Jones grunted and pulled the trigger. Aileen cringed.

There was a resounding click.

Jones frowned and pulled the trigger again. Click. And again. Click. Click click. "Where the hell-"

The blond smiled and opened his fist, revealing a handful of bullets. "I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed these,"

Jones' eye twitched and he lunged forward, swinging the butt of the pistol towards the other's head. Almost faster than Aileen could follow, the blond had tightly twisted Jones' gun arm behind him. Jones was facing towards her, but she could see the blond press something to the back of his head. Jones' breath hitched.

The blond moved closer to the other man, looking quite serious now. He leaned forward over Jones' shoulder. "I have a gun as well, pal, and I can invert your kneecaps faster than you can blink." Jones began to sweat.

The blond lowered his voice to a husky sort of growl, and glanced through the plate glass front doors at the flashing vehicles beginning to arrive. "Get out."

Jones did as he was told. The blond placed Jones' gun on the table, and held up his other hand, in the shape of a finger gun. "I'm glad he couldn't see behind him."

In the back of the bank, Ms. Minny started to clap. The blond turned around. "Oh, no. Stop it. You're embarrassing me." Mr. Jacobs soon followed, and before long the whole bank was clapping and cheering for this brave man. "No, please. Come on, you're- you're making me blush!"

As everyone clapped, he turned back to Aileen. "As I was saying earlier, could you please tell me the name of this town, lovely lady?"

Aileen blinked. "It's, uh, it's Mayville."

He nodded sagely. "Yes, and have you noticed that there's only one sun?"

"Mr…?"

"Just Vash, please. There's bo need to be so formal!"

"There's only one sun, sir," Aileen said slowly.

Vash's eyes widened, and he started to fidget. He bit his knuckle. "Oh, no… Not good. Not good at all. So… You're saying there is no second sun?" He held up two fingers.

"No, there's- there's just the one, sir."

"Oh dear."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ma'am?"

"Yes, Milly?"

"Have you noticed the-"

"Yes, Milly."

"And the-"

"Yes. Let's just keep going, shall we?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Milly gazed around the field they were riding through and the line of trees they could see not too far away. Actual trees as far as she could see, until it was stopped by a cluster of buildings in the distance. She'd never seen so many trees before! And the grass was so green, and it was everywhere!

She glanced over at Meryl. Her partner's face looked strained and anxious, and Milly could tell that she was trying to ignore the cold, hard facts in front of her. That was one of Meryl's problems, Milly thought. She had a hard time accepting things- like the fact that Mr. Vash had been the real Vash the Stampede from the very beginning. Or the fact that, right now, they weren't on Gunsmoke anymore. Because Gunsmoke had two suns.

Milly was a lot smarter than people gave her credit for, and she knew it- she didn't really mind, though. Meryl continued to stare ferociously directly ahead of her as she rode.

"Ma'am, should we take a break? You look like you need one."

Meryl paused, then nodded. "Yes, alright, Milly. But just for a little while. We need to get to that town." She sat down and uncapped her water bottle, taking a frugal swig before closing it again and sighing resignedly.

"Milly?"

"Yes ma'am?" Milly replied cheerfully, seated across from Meryl in the shockingly green grass.

"Tell me, how are you taking this so calmly?"

"Taking what, ma'am?" Milly asked.

"This… All of this!" Meryl stood up, sweeping her arms towards the lush landscape surrounding them. "How did we get here?! Where are we?! This doesn't make you frustrated- or, or- argh!" She put her head in her hands and fell on the ground, facing the sky. "I give up." After a few minutes of silent moping, Meryl turned her head to look at Milly, sitting contentedly on the grass, hands folded in her lap, gazing around the land. She sat up.

"Milly, how did we get here?"

Milly looked at her worriedly. "Don't you remember?"

Meryl flapped a hand and took another swig of water. "No, I remember… You might've seen something different though. Just tell me."

"Okay! So, Mr. Vash, you, and I arrived in Fenla Town two days ago. We got some rooms at an inn, and then Mr. Vash and I went to the store. I bought some pudding, and he got some donuts, and he accidentally stepped on an old lady's foot and she got really angry and hit him on the shins with her bag. Then we went back to the inn and went to sleep."

"If by sleep you mean 'Mr. Vash drank until he couldn't make a coherent sentence and then collapsed halfway up the stairs after which Meryl was forced to carry him because Milly was similarly tipsy', then yeah. You went straight to sleep, Milly." Meryl muttered.

"Senpai!" Milly said sourly.

Meryl sighed and closed her eyes. Milly smiled again and continued her story. "In the morning, some bounty hunters came into town and said that they'd heard that Vash the Stampede was here. The old lady from the store told them that Mr. Vash was staying at the inn, and so they came and chased us out. We got on our Thomas' and rode out of town, but then we got caught in a sandstorm, and we woke up here. We couldn't find Mr. Vash, so we started riding towards that city, and-"

"-Now here we are," Meryl finished.

"That's right, ma'am!" Meryl put a hand to her chin in thought. "So, what do we do now?"

Meryl stood up and put a finger in the air decisively. Milly stood as well. "It's obvious. We keep going! When we get to the next city, we'll see where we are, get some water, and then find that good-for-nothing, elusive, oafish, deceiving, troublemaking needle-headed promiscuous walking disaster of ours before he causes mass destruction!" Meryl snorted angrily and mounted her Thomas. "Ugh. It's all his fault. It's always his fault." She waited for Milly to mount her own Thomas, and then she started off at a fast pace towards the buildings in the distance.

Vash wasn't quite sure what to do. He'd just discovered that he was no longer on Gunsmoke, the planet he'd been on for over 150 years- and he was quite stumped. The teller he'd just spoken to, a girl by the name of Aileen, had confirmed his suspicions. He turned back to her.

"Ah. I see. Now, this is going to sound quite strange, and you might think I'm crazy… But what planet is this?"

Aileen squinted at him. "Is this a joke?"

"N-No, not at all!" He replied, waving his hands in a placating manner. "I'm totally serious. What planet is this?"

"It's Earth."

Vash stopped. He turned abruptly on his heel and walked swiftly through the big double doors of the bank, mind racing, and ran into a group of uniformed men. They were gathered in front of a row of black and white cars, and every one had a gun pointed at him. He slowly put his hands up.

Vash heard the doors open behind him, and Aileen rushed out in front of him. "No, stop! He's not the accomplice, he stopped the robber!"

The police ignored her, and three men stepped forward. "Put your weapons on the ground!"

Vash stepped in front of Aileen and pulled his gun out of its holster, carefully telegraphing each movement, and then slid it over to the first officer's feet, who picked it up.

Aileen gaped. "You actually had a gun?! Why didn't you use that instead of this?!" She asked, making a finger gun with her left hand.

Vash shrugged. One of the officers frowned. "He used a finger gun?"

Aileen put down her hand and nodded. "Yeah, he twisted the robber's arm behind his back and put it to his head. It scared him off. He also stole all of his bullets before he got to the counter." She turned to Vash. "When did you do that, by the way? Was it when you offered him the donuts halfway through the line?"

"Yeah." The officer holding his gun peered down the cylinder.

"Hey, you." Vash whipped his head around. "What kinda gun is this?"

"Oh, it's great. I wouldn't really recommend it for anyone but me, and it's custom made, anyway- there're only two in existence," Vash replied elusively. Yet another officer spoke up, this one seeming to be of a superior rank than the others.

"Give him back his gun." To Vash, he said "Put your hands down, son, and come with me."

Vash took his gun back from one of the men and put it in its holster. "I'm not being arrested, am I?"

"No, we just need your witness statement."

Vash raised an eyebrow. "Witness statement? What's that?"

"You really don't know? We just need you to tell us what happened, and then you're free to go, son. It shouldn't take long."

And it didn't, really. Twenty minutes and two dozen cheers and pats on the back later, Vash was walking out of town with a small stack of currency from grateful patrons of the bank. It felt really good to be appreciated, Vash thought. He pulled the money out of his pocket and looked it over. It looked like a double dollar, except it only had one dollar sign, and not two- a dollar. The currency he'd learned about from Rem on the SEEDS ship. He counted through the stack and came up with a sum of $428 and… a bag of caramel chews? Ah… That was from the old lady in purple, he recalled.

Vash put away his money and hoisted his bag over the other shoulder, taking up a brisk pace. He gazed at the landscape of trees and green grass, remembering the last time he'd seen such a sight- back on the ship with Rem, in the recreation room. With Knives. He frowned sadly.

Then, in the distance- were those? No- it couldn't be! A huge grin plastered itself on the Humanoid Typhoon's face, and he took off at a sprint towards the two figures down the road, both on Thomas'- Milly Thompson and Meryl Stryfe, the insurance girls.


	3. Chapter 3

Milly gasped. "Look, ma'am!"

Meryl followed her assistant's pointed finger to a red-coated figure not far down the road, waving vigorously. "It's Mr. Vash! HELLO, MR. VASH!" Milly screeched, returning the Humanoid Typhoon's wave, and spurred her Thomas on.

"Hello, Milly! Meryl!" Came the reply as Vash continued to sprint towards them. Before very long, they met, and Milly hopped down off of her Thomas. Meryl dismounted as well and walked up to Vash.

"So, where've you been, mister?"

"Well, apparently, it's a town called Mayville." Vash dropped his trademark cylindrical bag on the ground and pulled a wad of bills out of his pocket.

Meryl squinted and stabbed an accusing finger into his chest. "Where did you steal that from?"

"Nowhere! The people in the bank gave it to me."

Meryl's eye twitched. "So you DID steal it! Give me that! We have to go return it now!"

Vash backed up and held it in the air above his head, and much to her embarrassment, she couldn't reach it. "Hey-! I stopped a bank robbery, and the people inside gave this to me." He handed the bills to her, then pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket, a slightly confused look on his face. "Also, an old lady in purple gave me this bag of caramel."

Milly gasped and clasped her hands together. "Caramel?! Can I have some, Mr. Vash?"

"Sure! I don't like caramel much, anyway." He tossed her the bag, and then sat down, looking serious. "I have something to tell you girls now."

Meryl, seeing the serious look on his face, sat down across from him. "Is it good news or bad news, Vash?"

He tilted his head to the side and squinted. "I… I'm not really sure, actually. First, look at those bills. They aren't double dollars. They're just dollars."

"'Just dollars'? What do you mean?" Meryl held the green paper up and peered at it. It had a picture of a stocky man in the middle, and underneath was a banner that said "Grant". On the right side, it said "The United States of America", and it had a 50 in each corner.

"What is this?"

"Like I said, it's a dollar. Also, look at the sun. There's only one."

Meryl's stubborn side had yet to accept that they weren't on Gunsmoke anymore, and she didn't really want to convince it yet. She rather liked her sanity, as a matter of fact- but she'd put it off long enough, and she begrudgingly turned her head towards the sky.

"Um… Mr. Vash? Where's the sun?" Milly asked.

There was a huge crackling boom, and Meryl felt something wet hit the bridge of her nose. She wiped it off with the tip of her index finger and looked at it. It was clear. She stood up. "What the…"

And then the heavens opened, and water poured down in torrents, effectively soaking the trio- and their two Thomases, who began to fidget nervously at this new phenomenon.

"What is this?!" Meryl yelled. Milly was spinning in circles, laughing, and catching the water in her mouth. Vash hadn't stood up yet, and she couldn't tell if those were tears in his eyes or raindrops. Eventually, she decided that they were tears, and she almost slapped him for being a wimp again, until she noticed that this wasn't his dramatic crying, where he flailed everywhere and wailed "But doesn't it make you so sad?!", but he looked genuinely happy. He closed his eyes and turned his face to the sky, letting the water plaster his hair down to his skull so he began to resemble a wet dog. Eventually, he noticed Meryl staring, and he leapt to his feet. The Thomases looked about ready to bolt, so Vash instructed the girls to get on and ride to the tree line.

Once they made it there, all three sat down, soaking wet and covered in bits of grass and spats of mud. Meryl found it hard to take it all in; this foreign terrain- this water was just coming down, free for the taking, and there was life on every inch of the ground. She'd never seen anything like this.

"Vash?" Meryl began.

"It's rain, Meryl! Genuine, honest-to-goodness rain!" He laughed happily and joined Milly, catching raindrops in his mouth. "I haven't seen rain in so long! Oh, this is wonderful!"

Meryl stood stock still, watching her two (though she'd never admit it out loud) closest friends cartwheeling and prancing around in a field, completely soaked through, splattering themselves all over with mud and leaves and blades of grass. They looked like two of the biggest idiots she'd ever seen.

Suddenly, Vash ran up to her and grabbed her hand. She made a face as her hand was covered in gooey mud, and he smiled and said, "Come on Meryl! Don't be a stick in the mud!" He raised an eyebrow, and Milly started to laugh behind him. "Eh? Eh? Get it? Stick in the mud?"

Meryl was halfway through her facepalm before she realized there was mud all over her hand, and she ended up with a mouthful of dirt. She squealed and tried her best to get it out of her mouth, and once she'd finished, she looked up to see Milly and Vash rolling on the ground, shaking with laughter.

Her face turned red. "Oh! So you think it's funny, do you? Well, then, let's see how you like it!" Meryl reached down and scooped up a sopping wet mass of mud, then took off towards the nearest person with a war cry. The Humanoid Typhoon looked up, caught sight of her, and ran away screaming.

In a home hidden within the trees about three quarters of a mile away from the trio, a little boy of six looked out of his kitchen window and saw something happening in the middle of one of the fields. He squinted through the rain, trying to see what was going on, and as the rain slowly let up, he saw three figures lobbing balls of what looked like mud at each other.

He stared for a moment, then called for his mother. She came downstairs. "What is it, Daniel?"

"Mom, I think there's some people out there having a mud fight."

His mother chuckled.

Daniel frowned at her. "No, Mom, I'm serious- there really are people out there throwing mud at each other. There's three of 'em, and two of 'em are real tall, and one's kinda short-"

Daniel's mother stepped over to the window and peered through the glass next to her son. The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle, and she could now clearly see three people- two tall, one short- hurling brown clumps of mud at each other. The short figure started to chase the other two around, ferociously pelting them with sludge balls, and then all three sat down abruptly. Within the next few minutes, the rain stopped abruptly, and the sun cast its rays back down onto the Earth. After a few moments of contemplation, Daniel's mother straightened up and turned to her son.

"Daniel, dear, go put on your boots and fetch me three big towels, alright? I'll be back in a moment."

The mud fight was fun while it lasted. But then the sun came back out, and even though it wasn't very warm, the mud started to dry.

Meryl grunted and kept trying to scrape the layers of mud off of her pants legs. She glanced up at Milly and Vash, who seemed to be having the same problem. Vash looked especially ridiculous, seeing as his blond shock of vertical hair was now plastered to his head with dark brown mud- but he'd also made the most progress in getting the mud off of himself. At this point, the only spots still covered in mud were his hair, his boots, and his gloves.

Milly had gotten all of it out of her hair, and the top part of her poncho was mostly clean- but her entire face was still dirty. Meryl had made the least progress out of the three. All that she'd managed to clean was her face and part of her hair.

Vash stood up and stretched, then put his hands on his hips. "Ahh! That was fun! Don't you agree?"

Milly nodded. "It sure was! Wasn't it, Meryl?"

Meryl slowly looked up at the two of them, then got to her feet and stalked forward. She shoved one finger into Milly's collarbone. "Dry." She stabbed her other finger into Vash's chest, then gave them both the stink-eye. "Cleaning." She growled menacingly.

The sound of an engine caught the trio's attention, and they all turned their heads to see a dark red truck travel down the road and come to a stop right next to them. The doors opened, and a woman stepped out, followed by a little boy. The boy stared at all of them, and Meryl was suddenly very aware of the mud she was caked in. She stepped away from Milly and Vash and waved to the pair. "Uh, h-hi! My name's M-Meryl Stryfe, and-"

Suddenly, all three of them sneezed at the same time. A few moments later, they all sneezed again simultaneously, and the woman tutted and shook her head. She grabbed three towels out of the truck and trudged over to them in knee length boots, making a shluck sound with every step. Milly smiled and took the towel that was offered to her, saying a quick thanks before scrubbing it over her face vigorously. After passing out the other two towels, the woman put her hands on her hips. "Just what do you think you three were doing out here, behaving like that? You might've caught cold, you silly things. My name's Valerie, and this is my son Daniel."

Daniel tapped his mother on the arm. "Hey, Mom? What's that thing over there?" He pointed to a large metal object lying in the grass a few yards away from them. Milly regarded it, and a look of recognition appeared on her face.

"Oh, that's mine, little boy! Thank you for pointing it out. I might've left it here if you hadn't said anything," Milly exclaimed, traipsing over to it. She bent down and grabbed one end of it, then pulled it up to a standing position.

Both mother and child looked curious. "What is that thing?" The woman said.

Milly turned to them and smiled, then jerked the thing up in the air. It stood straight up for half a moment, then its weight made it complete its circle and it slammed down on Milly's shoulder. As it did so, a flurry of flakes of dried mud sloughed off to reveal a massive gun. "It's only my gun."

Valerie gasped and covered her mouth, her son clutching her pants leg.

Meryl turned to Milly, annoyed. "Milly, did you break another sling? How many do you have left now?"

Milly shifted the gun a bit more towards her neck, then put a finger to her chin. "Um… I think I have just two left, ma'am." Meryl sighed.

"Fine. Just replace it, and make sure that it's not clogged…" As Meryl continued to lecture Milly, Vash stepped forward.

"Is something wrong?" He asked the mother and son.

Valerie took a step away from Milly and Meryl, towards Vash. "D-Don't you see? She h-h-has a gun!" She stammered, terrified. Vash put his hands out, palms down, in a calming gesture.

"Yes, but it's only a stun gun. And besides, we won't hurt you, I promise." Valerie clutched her son closer to her body, gaze flicking from Milly to Meryl to Vash and back. "We just need a little help. We… Well, I guess you could say we lost our bearings," Vash stated, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Meryl huffed and stalked forward to stand beside Vash. "More like watched them burst into flames before our very eyes and crumble into a little ashy pile of frustration! And I won't even mention that I'm stuck here with these two doofuses who decided that the best thing to do was have a mud fight!" Behind her back, Milly and Vash high-fived. Meryl whirled around to face them, and they both stood ramrod straight and stared straight ahead. Sighing, Meryl turned back to Valerie and her son. "Listen, we really need some help here, and I'm sure we could find some way to reimburse you once we reorient ourselves, Mrs. Valerie."

After a few silent moments of consideration, Valerie let out a breath and looked them all in the eye. "Alright, you three. I'll take you back to my house, but you have a lot of explaining to do once we get there, got it?" The trio nodded. "Now. Your names, please."

"Meryl Stryfe."

"I'm Milly Thompson! Sure is nice to meet you!"

"Call me Vash, Mrs. Valerie."

Valerie paused to take in the three strangers' grateful, slightly dirty faces, and she wondered what she'd gotten herself into.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't have a schedule for updates, and I've hit a dead end recently. I write on and off, but you'll know I've put up a new chapter when you get an alert. No promises on dates, though. Also, I'm fickle and I edit little things all the time, but it's mostly minor. But this chapter is what sent me into a rut, so if the plot is different here it's because I changed it. If you've never visited my little story, then you don't have any of that to worry about. Anyway, enjoy, dear readers!  
**

* * *

Valerie ushered the three towards the truck, but Meryl paused. "Oh, wait a moment." She turned to Milly and Vash, then whispered, "What do we do with our Thomases?"

Vash shrugged. "We can probably leave them here for now, don't you think? I mean, they've got water and grass now."

Meryl considered it, then nodded. "Mrs. Valerie? Could you give Milly and I a moment to go get our bags?"

The woman nodded and helped her son get back into the truck.

A few minutes later, all of the girls' bags were loaded into the back of the truck, and the trio got in the back seat of the car. Poor Vash and Milly, being so tall, had to bend over and hunch their shoulders. It was very uncomfortable. Meryl, on the other hand, who fit perfectly, was reminded of her height- or rather, lack thereof. During the ride back to the house, the insurance girls chatted with Valerie. Meryl talked about the weather and Milly asked if there was pudding on this planet. (She was extremely relieved when the answer was yes.)

Daniel turned around and folded his arms over the back of the seat, staring at Vash. Daniel pointed at Vash's mud-plastered hair. "Is that what your hair normally looks like?"

Vash smiled. "No, it's actually blond. Look, I'll show you. Eh… Could ya hand me one of those towels, kid?"

Daniel nodded and gave one to Vash, who draped it over his hair and vigorously scrubbed it until it was free of most of the mud. He pulled the towel off, his hair drooping, and then suddenly, with a soft _poof_ , it sprang back up to its usual shape, flinging a few flakes of mud around the truck. Valerie paused mid-sentence and turned to look at Vash, eyes widening at the sight of his gravity-defying hair. She stared for a moment, then quickly turned back to face the road, gripping the steering wheel tighter, then muttered "It's full of hair gel. It's only hair gel. His hair must obey the laws of gravity like everything else. Of course…" She sighed and banged her head on the steering wheel. These people were driving her insane.

Vash pointed to his hair, then spoke to Daniel. "See? That's what it normally looks like. What's your name again?"

"My name's Daniel, mister."

"Well, nice to meet ya, Daniel. My name's Vash." He offered his hand to the boy, and they shook, both grinning. Valerie spoke up a moment later.

"We're here. You three, please get your things out of the truck and follow me into the house. I have some questions for you to answer."

* * *

Valerie held up a hand to stop Meryl. The three girls were seated around the oak table in the dining room of Valerie's home. "So. You're telling me that you three are from a different planet? A planet called _Gunsmoke?"_

Meryl nodded. " _Gunsmoke?_ Like, the smoke… from a gun?"

"Um, yes."

"And it has _two_ suns and _five_ moons?" She nodded again. Valerie put her head in her hands. "Forgive me, but I'm finding this a little hard to believe."

There was a yell from the living room, then a shriek- Daniel. Valerie's eyes widened, and she practically flew out of her chair towards the doorway. "Daniel-!"

In the middle of her living room, Daniel was seated on Vash's shoulders, shrieking in delight. Vash was making whoosh noises and running around the room. "Look! What's that in the sky?! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPERDAN!" He spun around, and froze when he caught sight of the three women staring at him from the doorway. There was a long, awkward silence as Valerie noticed a dish towel that was tied around Daniel's neck like a cape. Meryl pressed her hands over her mouth in a desperate attempt not to laugh, and failed miserably. Milly soon joined, and Vash blushed furiously. "I, uh, I didn't think you'd be able to, uh, hear from the dining room…"

Valerie pinched the bridge of her nose. "You said you were going to the bathroom."

"I did! And then I came out and Daniel wanted to play and he wouldn't leave me alone until I did, so, uh…" He trailed off awkwardly. Valerie shook her head and told Daniel to get down. "Mr. Vash, we need to talk to you also."

"I'll be right there!" Vash waited until they were out of sight before lifting Daniel off his shoulders.

"No, Mr. Vash! I want to keep playing!"

"Nah, I've gotta go talk to your mum. Here, watch some tv." Vash plopped Daniel down on the couch and handed him the remote. "I'll be back later," He told the boy, then left to sit at the table.

"As I was saying, I'm finding this a bit hard to believe, you must understand, and if it was anyone but me, I'm sure that you'd have been carted off to the crazy house long ago. But I try to keep an open mind. To put it simply, I'd like some proof," Valerie concluded, sitting straight in her chair.

All was silent, until Vash suddenly jumped to his feet, whispered something in Meryl's ear, and ran out of the house. Meryl slowly smiled and let him go. "Where is he going?"

Meryl just waved a hand dismissively. "He's getting our proof. He'll be back in a moment."

* * *

Panting slightly, Vash the Stampede came to a stop next to the two Thomases and leaned against the tree they were tied to. He untied the ropes and grabbed the reigns of the two animals, then began to lead them back towards Mrs. Valerie's house. Vash couldn't believe they were on Earth. _Earth!_ This place was full of lost technology! Except, technically, it wasn't really lost anymore, he thought to himself.

As he walked, another car, this one smaller and gray, drove down the road. He glanced through its windows and saw a man and a woman in the front seats. He smiled and waved. The man in the driver's seat stared at the Thomases he was leading until the woman screeched, lunged across the front seats, and jerked the wheel to the left so that the husband wouldn't crash the car headfirst into a tree standing by the side of the road. The reaction to the Thomases just confirmed Vash's hunch that the creatures would be the only thing they'd need to prove that they were telling the truth about being from Gunsmoke.

Before long, he reached the door to Mrs. Valerie's house and knocked. She answered, and immediately froze, staring at the creatures that Vash had been leading. "What in the name of all that is holy are those freaks of nature?!"

Milly and Meryl appeared over her shoulder. "Those're called Thomases, Mrs. Valerie," Milly replied. "We use those to get around if we don't have a car, or a bike, or a motorcycle, or whatever."

"What, so they're like- horses or something?" She said, stepping forward cautiously after a moment.

"Horses?" Meryl questioned. At the same time, Vash nodded. "Yeah, like horses, I guess."

"What do you know about horses?" Meryl asked.

The Humanoid Typhoon's face went slightly red. "Well, I, you see, uh-"

Mrs. Valerie stepped forward and cautiously stretched her left hand towards the Thomas closest to her. It flicked its long tongue out and swiped it up the entire length of her arm. She made a slightly disgusted noise and stepped back, wiping the Thomas saliva onto her apron. "I think- I think I believe you. Just- We should probably go put those in the stables so nobody else sees them. They're sort of unnerving…"

After marveling at the horses, the four left the stables. Immediately after, there was a sound of shattering glass from inside the house, and Daniel screamed- a real scream, this time. Valerie's maternal instincts kicked in and she was in the living room in a flash, everyone else close behind her. Daniel was gone, and the window had been shattered. On the couch, scrawled along the cushions in fresh blood, were the words:

BRING VASH THE STAMPEDE TO GREENTOWN

-THE NEBRASKA BROTHERS

Valerie gasped in shock, and Vash's eyes narrowed. Something was off. He stepped forward and leaned over the red letters, dipped his finger in the red letter 'v', brought it to his face, sniffed, and licked it. "What the hell are you doing, you sicko?!" Valerie and Meryl screamed at the same time. Vash wiped his finger on the fabric of his coat.

"It's only tomato juice."

"What?"

"It's tomato juice, not blood. Daniel's safe, for now. But I'll go to this Greentown and bring your son _right_ back, ma'am! You can count on me!"

Valerie put her hands on her hips. "You must be out of your _mind_ if you think that I'm going to let a perfect stranger go gallivanting off to find my only son who's just been _kidnapped_ and might be in danger of losing his life. He's _my_ son. And if anyone's going to beat the living _shit_ out of his kidnapper, it is going to be _me."_ She jabbed a thumb into her chest emphatically. It was quiet for a moment. She shook her head and straightened herself. "I'm going to get the shotgun. Then we're leaving."


End file.
